Sue Muirhead

My Birthday 2010

Today – 57 years old
Such a week
One week ago today
I saw my Dad sitting/talking for the last time
And then his passing
Being with him lovingly, gently
Comforting him as he moved to the other world.
All his family around
Remembering with loving
I asked him what he would give me for my birthday last Saturday
And he gifted me with the most beautifully magnificent gift
He is now with me everywhere
He is now with me everywhere
In the open air here with the trees and the wind
The water and the sunshine
The warmth and the fresh air
Loving him with all my heart
Always with me, with us all
Now, forever, for always
I love you Dad
We love you dearly.

Baby Grandsons

Like miracles
You were new little men in my life!
I pondered over and over "How can this be?"
As I watched each of you move and stretch
Your little hands so perfectly formed
Your round little button noses,
heads so full of soft hair.
Yet I watched my daughter as she grew each time
and knew that inside the womb of my own child
each of you quickly developed and grew strong,
Turning, kicking and moving
Letting us know you were here among us
Long before you joined us as separate beings in the world.
And then when it was time
you each took in your own breath
in and out, in and out, so quickly!
Breathing separate from your mother,
new,so full of life and innocence.
I snuggled and breathed into your necks
Feeling your warmth against me
And told you stories of the world I knew.
Love for you my sweet grandchildren
Deep inside my heart
Wee loves - Joy filled I celebrated you both
I Welcomed you little ones
Welcomed.

Eating Breakfast

Sue: February 18/09

Quiet in myself
Noise all around
People talking of diamonds, festivals, travel
Not wanting to hear
I let the conversations go
Wanting my time
With the rain
With my love,
with the cat softly purring sleeping by my side
The warmth of the fire
Holding mother earth close
The many other dear ones
I love - in my heart close
The taste of a soft boiled egg
Tickles my throat
Smooth, supple textures
Grateful to the chicken
Now the nine grains
Gritty, chewy in my mouth
Grown with many hands
Harvested, ground
The tastes mingle
My warm belly welcomes
My gratitude is great
Celebrating nourishment
In all ways.

Goodbye Brother

Sue 1999

My heart is throbbing, my throat dry
Explosions go off within my being
and at last the plane lands.
My Father greets me
and we hold each other close for we know.
Together we fly down the road blindly
to the hospital.

Rushing quickly down the antiseptic hallways
familiar smells assault my senses.
Directed to a different room,
I enter.
I notice nothing except my Mother,
tear filled, tired eyes, standing close to you, my brother
One of her small hands holding your even tinier hand
Her other hand running through your thick, black hair
I know the great comfort you feel, for I too am her child.
You lie so still there on a cold, narrow bed
A miniature, plastic oxygen mask
covers your tiny nose and shriveled mouth,
Your breathing jagged and uneven now, unnatural and so labored
You have waited for me and I give thanks.
My head falls on your chest and my arms try to envelop you
as tears fill my eyes and tumble down
and dampen your shapeless gown.
My heart is breaking, knowing this is truly the end
Your life so short, over so soon
I don't want you to leave us
I want you here to remind me
to live and love simply.
Don't go, don't go, my head screams!
I hold your little hand, now so blue
I touch it, and my fingers leave imprints
as you have on my soul.
You have endured so much pain,
Yet with great dignity you have let others do your tending.
My heart screams I want to bring you back
I want you to laugh, dance, and sing again
I want you to pucker your little lips for a kiss
To greet us with your champion smile.

Still the hours tick by
and I know that death will bring the end
to your pain and suffering,
A celebration then!

Together we pray, sing, cry
We hold you my brother and we hold each other
The room is full of love.
I put my head on your chest
to feel the life still in you.
Mom and Dad start to pray
and as they continue to pray
your breathing slows and becomes calm
Like the waves at the end of a storm.
Softly, gently now you takes your breaths
and we realize you are leaving us.
And slowly your spirit slips away
My brother, my love,
and softly, peacefully, you now depart to join the spirit world.
Goodbye my brother.
Goodbye.

Hlembihl' Tseh ~ Amelia John

Sue: May 1996

I remember long ago
When you taught me the ways
of fishing in the waters
of the Stuart.
I remember
when I first saw the tangled knots,
Your parted legs,
The weeds falling dried onto the floor
as you unravelled the nets.
I was afraid.
Yet I was ready to learn!
I wanted to learn!
And soon enough you began to teach me.

I remember cramped legs
as I pulled the net
over the broom
under your watchful, experienced eyes.
Your firm, often sharp words guided me until
The daluhl' were tied meticulously
with my very own spit.
The jagged rocks I'd collected
all in neat little rows.
And finally the sack, I folded and tied.

Then down to the shore
we would go together
You and I
Dreams of tallo,
slippery, silver visions in our heads.
We hoped for only gentle breezes
As we set out on the shimmering water
The only sound to break the endless silence -
the engine put putting.
Our hair blew in the wind
As we sat side by side
My blondness, your darkness
yet our hearts close.

All too soon we neared
the bleach bottle bobbing up and down
beckoning to us.
And now my left handedness caused you
at times to curse.
Yet your own Lala had the same affliction.
And so you took the time
to teach me how
to throw the net in.
Your experienced hands
willing to enlighten my shaky, newborn ones.
And at last the final knot
and the splash of the Tsedlooh sinking.

On the way back to shore
I would dream of the tallo
jumping and wiggling in our net,
ready for the big steel bucket
our knives and spoons
working in unison
in the early morning dawn.
Then together the slow climb
back to the smokehouse,
hanging the dripping bodies,
and the empty, limp, knotted net.
Finally, grabbing the bucket
with the ruby red eggs
to boil and feed my little ones,
The tallo's life giving life to my own.
Blood stained, triumphant women,
we entered the house, together!
Me, thinking already of the next day of fishing
with my Mom.

And now
I have only memories and dream of
Hlembihl' Tseh's Heaven.

My Love Song to You Dear Earth

Sue: February 17, 2009

Deep into the darkness I wonder
Your raging storm
everywhere around me
raindrops pelting, smashing my body.
Sounds envelop me
wind caressing, pushing me
following the jagged stone path
I find my way this night
To the edge of the cliff.
I hear the pounding waves
I open my arms
And welcome you.
The rain now melting my body
I become a puddle
Of joy, of ecstasy
The cold wetness, the whirling madness of you.
Going with, moving with
laughing crying, beast-like sounds
loving, vibrating, alive
my whole body shaking with you.
A tree beckons now
And I hold close my old, gnarled friend.
Our roots mingle
and as they do so
I hear the drumming rhythms
of my ancestors calling.
My face and body
painted with their blood now
my feet continue home
down the dark path
through the cold, slippery puddles
My naked feet delighting
In my love song to you.